Forgive.

A couple days ago, I saw a Facebook post by an acquaintance in California who was finding it difficult to forgive someone who had mistreated her in a financial matter. She posted, “The inability to truly forgive has been eating me alive.”

Her comment reminded me of how debilitating a lack of forgiveness can be. As stated in the ancient Hindu text, the Vedanta, “holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for your enemy to die.” The medical field of psychoneuroimmunology, which studies the interaction between emotional states and the nervous and immune systems, also has shown that emotions stored in the body can wreak havoc on your immune system. Anger and resentment are literally toxic to your body, and when you’re holding on to those feelings it’s impossible to forgive.

To stay healthy and reach a state in which forgiveness can occur, it’s essential to process painful emotions, to express and acknowledge them, so they can fully dissipate. How to process toxic feelings? Write it all out, have a good cry, beat up a pillow, and ideally, talk it out with a friend or counselor. Once you give grief, anger, and resentment the attention they need, those painful feelings can more easily change to feelings of love and compassion, for both yourself—for your suffering—and  for those who treated you badly.

I realize you may be thinking, “Why should I feel love and compassion for those who treated me badly?” Well, one reason is because “hurt people hurt people.” Those who behave badly to other people are typically troubled souls who react from their own limitations, fears, and wounds. While forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to stay connected to them, you can still have compassion for their woundedness.

Another reason to feel love and compassion for your tormentors is because it’s good for your health. Those positive emotions are known to release the “feel good” hormones that stimulate cell growth and boost your immune system. Forgiveness is truly a healing tonic for your body and soul.

When injustices happen, if you can do the work to process your emotions, you can more quickly and easily return to a more peaceful state. When you’re at peace, you’ll be able to connect with your heart, and from that place, you will be able to forgive. By forgiving, you not only contribute more love and compassion to the world, you also elevate your own health and well-being. And it feels so good!